Al Dente Field Trip: Bulletproof Coffee or Pop Will Drink Itself

Coffee contains multitudes. Very nearly everyone’s favourite caffeine deployment system is a huge deal for fans of consciousness the world over and I’m certainly one of them. Coffee is like whiskey for people who enjoy being fully awake, a never ending merry go round of beans and distillation methods and STUFF. Seriously, the gentle nursery slopes of instant coffee are a fine place to start but, eventually, you’ll make your way off them. I did, and have now happily settled on a French Press.


french press

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Sounds just a smidge dirty, looks like a cross between a plunger and a jug, is filled with the sweet nirvana of wakefulness. Lovely.

You don’t have to stop here either. I have friends who grind their own beans, others who use individual cup presses, others still that love Chemex coffee stuff. Those sound sciencey, look like glassware Ikea Daleks and I am reliably informed produce coffee that would render Agent Cooper enthusiastically speechless.

chemex

ENCAFFEINATE! ENCAFFEINATE!

But right now, the French press is working for me. Although, with a schedule that would make me laugh hysterically if I didn’t need those seven seconds, I’m always interested in trying new and exciting things. Which brings me to Bulletproof Coffee.

VICTOR! THE SUSPECT!

…It’s not movie night, Victor.

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Good boy.

Right then, what the Hell is Bulletproof coffee? Well, it’s coffee but with added butter as opposed to Kevlar.

No Kevlar.

Yes Butter.

In coffee.

Yes, I know.

Coffee. Butter. Butter. Coffee. Coffee.

Together.

In the same place.

Here’s the thinking; A Silicon Valley entrepreneur visited Tibet, presumably looking for the Ark of the Covenant and to ask it to join his LinkedIn page. That didn’t go so well, but what did is his discovery of yak-butter tea.

Which if you say it really fast doesn’t sound like three words that have been stapled together does it?

Anyway, he loved it, found (according to him) that it boosted cognition and weight loss and returned to the Valley with a mission; to bring buttered drinks to the masses. Which he’s now done. Bulletproof coffee has a growing reputation as a cognition and weight loss super charger; a caffeinated mega drink that gives you access to the full spread of your abilities and helps you work harder, go longer, leap taller build…

Maybe not that one.

Anyway, butter in coffee is apparently good for you. So, this week, at Peel, I tried it. Here’s what my drink looked like:

Bulletproof coffee

No changes to colour or consistency. Taste is a different story. The first thing that hit me was grass. That sweet, really sharp taste that’s everywhere in the country in the Summer runs through every mouthful of bulletproof coffee. It’s an interesting sensation too; a rock solid foundation that the rest of the taste both sits on and is muted by.

Then there’s the consistency and this is where things get interesting. Coffee is granules of consciousness and joy suspended in water. Bulletproof coffee is granules of consciousness and joy suspended in water and oil. The butter melts instantly and suffuses through the entire drink so you get a constant, slightly unctuous sensation. For the first half cup it’s very different. For the second half cup, for me, it was actively a little unpleasant. The oil in the butter wakes up not just your brain but your digestion and by the end of it I was very aware of every inch of my gastric real estate. Whether it was the unusual amount of oil or my digestive system going ‘WHERE’S THE TOAST, ASSHOLE?!’ is difficult to say.

What’s easy to say is this; bulletproof coffee is not something that works for me. I suspect if you persevere with it your system gets used to the increased oil intake but I’m not really up for that. Still, I’d recommend you give it a try. It does actually seem more effective and it tastes completely unique. But as other writers have said, this is coffee as fuel not fun and that makes it only half a drink, at least for me.

Which reminds me, best put the kettle on…

 

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